Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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