people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
