We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
