He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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