You can't motorboat a personality
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
