so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
