I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
