I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
