I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's never too late to be topless.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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