areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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