I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They have beer where we have blood.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
