Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
