Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
