Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
