I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
