the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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