I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize