Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
