THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
