Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need a beard to bite.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
