I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
