HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
