He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
