so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
