what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
