My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
