a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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