I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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