i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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