I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
