i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
