nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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