Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
