Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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