fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
