I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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