I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
