Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
