Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
