She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
