I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
