Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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