Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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