i permit you to call me
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
