can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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