We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
