He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
