Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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