remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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