careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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