last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
