wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
