Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
