This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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