Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
