you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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