I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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