splinters make it hard to masturbate
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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