I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
