OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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