Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize