I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize