you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
