She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
