he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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