So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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