I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
