dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
