I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
