I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
