I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
