Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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