I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
