Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
