at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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