Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
