I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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