you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
jump out the window naked night went bad
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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