Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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