alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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