Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
