And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
