I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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